HELP!

help!

Does anyone know how to use these forum things in a non computer geek way?

eg... how do i change my user name from "admin" to something else....
How do new users join this site?
How do i create new topics on this forum?
Why is my site in french when i set it (and keep resetting it) to English?
and loads more....

if anyone can explain how to set up and use a forum in a plain english kinda way that someone not remotely interested in computers can understand (eg me in this case!) then please write in!